Kaila, English, and perfect ending

Now, I announce the end of the graduation of the class of 2012!

I walk in front of the crowd with style. My mom’s and my eyes meet. She smiles at me. I smile at her back. Right after I got out of the crowd’s sight, I run to my friends and scream with joy. Wow! I graduated KIS! Graduation always sounded like a thing that would never come. Well, it already ended and I am now an alumni of KIS. With tears in my eyes, I stand with my parents, and my brother counts – one, two, three, smile!

Okay, maybe this is too far ahead. But I can’t stop myself from thinking about my future graduation. After I the senior’s graduation, I kept imagining myself wearing a pretty blue gown, standing proud in front of my family, and my name being nominated aloud. Yes, my name being nominated aloud…

I let a little droop of sigh. My imagination becomes a pretty blue bird and flies away. As its everyone’s dream, it is very competitive. To be truthful, I wasn’t always an academic girl. I somehow found myself having a hard time devoting myself into it. It is sort of an irony, because I really do care about studying. I had a hard time because of this contradiction. I wasn’t trying my best while I was wanting to get a good grade. Whenever I stay all night and whenever I didn’t do good on test, I felt a large disappointment to myself.

I now look at the sky. I wonder whether the blue bird is coming back.

Out of many subjects, English class was particularly a stress to me. One paragraph essay required a well writing skill and thoughtful analysis of a passage, which, I had hard time with. Also, the class required well preparation of every materials, since so many activities and assignments are linked to another. If I miss to read a book or do a homework, I can’t do well on the later activities because I don’t have a thorough understanding of the material. It was a big stress and worry to me, who pledged to do better in 10th grade than 9th grade.

By the end of the first semester, I wanted to cover my ears when my friends worried about their A- grade. From my perspective, they were having pleasant worries. When my friends were talking about their grade, I put a mute effect on me. At the end, I could find a very low grade from my 1st semester report card. I was ashamed of myself.

As 2nd semester started, I obviously wanted to make a better performance in the English class, but I was somewhat daunted from the 1st semester result. I started the 2nd semester with fear. The first reading material was ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (from now on, I’ll call it as ‘JH’)’ It was a famous book which was referred many times from people’s daily lives, so read the book of curiosity. Somehow, I didn’t have a lot of difficulty when I read JH and took notes on the margins on the book. After reading a chapter, JH packet was full of colorful pen marks. My heart was filled with pride whenever I looked at it. To me, it looked a lot better than any artwork in the world. It wasn’t like anyone looking at the JH packet and giving me prizes. I worked hard on taking notes on the side just because I wanted to continue to fill my heart with pride. I spent a lot of time on reading JH, and searched for every words that i didn’t know. When I brought my packet to school, mine was the prettiest of all. I felt good As I was the one with the best JH packet (in my opinion), I wanted to show that I had the best understanding of JH. I prepared for the discussion with care.

I finally realized the ‘fun’ of reading books. I finally realized that the feeling of pride is more valuable than going into facebook. After reading JH, I read books with care. I especially read ‘Brave New World’ meticulously because it was a hard book and had a lot of details. My books always had a pen attached to it. I shouted to the blue bird to come back.

The second semester is ending. Any my grade? OMG! I can’t reveal my grade in public but I got much better than my grade by the end of the 1st semester. I know that my grade is not superior than others, but still, I am pretty satisfied. I almost cried with joy when my English grade rose after making up my missing quizzes.

The one thing I learned after all these experiences is this: No fine work can be done without toil. This is very true. The reason why I couldn’t get good grades was because I didn’t try hard enough. Before, I thought people with good grades have good brains, and that I wasn’t the chosen one. However, after being in this English 10 class, my thoughts changed completely. I can do it! Seriously, why can’t I? My brain is not inferior than them, as well as my studying environment. I am no different than them, so why do I have to get particularly lower grades than them? If I really put a lot of time and effort in something, than I can certainly get good grades. I can do it. My blue graduation dream was never a false hope.

I find the blue bird humming next to me.

Real Me

The road is choked with traffic. Actually, I am choked with traffic. Traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic…TRAFFIC!

“Oh gosh, is this ever going to get better?”

I shout to no one. In fact, I am alone in the car, having nobody to talk to, without anything recreational, being very, very bored. But boredom is nothing of a problem.

I look at the clock and bite my nail. I can’t believe that I am back in the track of my old habit again. When I was in seventh grade, my mom showed me a picture of a women with horrible destroyed nails after a constant biting. I really thought I had this habit totally off, but maybe not.

Fortunately, I stop biting my nails. Instead I nervously crack my fingers. Is this better or biting nails better? I didn’t learn these kind of things at school. School has to teach these useful information instead of boring consequences of WWII, significance of juxtaposition and so on. I doubt  the usage of these in my entire life. Oh, except when I try to look cool and smart in front of people. That is when these information is used, right?

Okay, maybe I am overly pessimistic about school’s education. I accept the fact that I hate what schools teach because of my horrible experience in high school…which I should just stop think about. It’s a history, and I am living a present right now. Present is called as ‘present’ because it is the very precious gift from God. I should just focus on my issue of getting fired from the job.

Yes, getting fired from my job as a teacher.

I, who hate the school education and the school itself, is a teacher. I want to laugh at this huge horrible discrepancy of what I think I am, and the cruel reality. Unfortunately, I can only laugh when nobody is around because everyone thinks that I am a lady who is born to be a teacher. Everyone.

My dream as a child wasn’t a teacher. In fact, not even close to a person in the fields of education. Okay, here I go. As a child, I loved singing. I sang whenever I could. I got trophies from various competitions. The village concert committee even asked me for a song on the stage. I was more than happy when I could sing a song, feel my throat vibrating, listen to the melodies I make, and hear claps from the audience. My dream was to be a singer. I loved singing. Actually, I still love singing.

-rrrr..

“Oh, hey Michael. I am stuck in a horrible traffic right now. I am so sorry. Tell the kids to..um..draw what they want to be in the future. I am sorry. Okay. See you. Bye.”

It was when I was in the fifth grade. My teacher got stuck in the middle of the traffic. Through her TA, she told the kids what they’d like to be in the future. Hesitating, I drew a girl, dressed in pink, singing in front of the large crowd. The crowd was jumping and shouting, with their hands in the air, enjoying the girl’s song.

When I came home with the picture, my mom tarred the picture apart in front of my eyes, saying: “You have to be a teacher like me. Being a teacher can bring you a respect, stability, and a high income.”

Sigh.

She never forced me since then, but somehow I was fix to the thought of becoming a teacher, nothing else. Something happened to me which I can’t identify.

-Honk, Honk!

“Hey, you!”

The driver in the car next to mine calls me. He is a man in a black suit, dull square black glasses, about in his 40s. He is holding an article titled ‘What’s my fortune for today?’

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what today’s date is?”

“May 13th?”

For a second, he looks devastated. He rolls his eyes and points the article which he holds right next to his face. “Today is the Friday the thirteenth!”

“Okay, what about it?”

“Don’t tell me that you don’t know what Friday the thirteenth is.”

I can see that he is very superstitious. He looks at me like he was looking at a monkey which is saying ‘I am not a monkey. I am an walrus.’ He shakes his head miserably and shouts, “Today is Friday the thirteenth which brings the fact that this traffic means something! Something important! Big! Something that is gonna change our lives!”

“Geez, calm down. It’s just a traffic.”

“No, I can feel it. The aura around these thousands of cars doesn’t mean nothing. We should all just quit whatever we’re up to and escape this traffic. Who knew I would get in to the traffic today! I should have just stayed at home, not minding to keep my disgusting career.”

He is a funny man. Despite the crazy words he says, I was indeed happy to have someone to talk to. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I’ve met many superstitious people, but this man is the best of all.

“I wish that really happens because I personally think my job is very disgusting too.”

“What do you do?”

“I teach.”

“You say teaching is disgusting?”

“Well, it’s not what I wanted to do. I actually…”

I pause for a moment. I haven’t told anyone about my real dream ever since fifth grade. However I somehow feel the need to tell this man my dreamㅡthe real me.

“I actually wanted to be a singer, but yeah. It just didn’t come true.”

“Well that is very sad and dramatic, but not as important as the devastating situation we are currently in. You get me?”

“I think being happy is everything, but I guess not everyone thinks the way I do. However, I still think being happy is everything.”

I look at my nails. It is all bitten by the nervousness that I previously had. But now, I am not nervous at all. I feel something swirling up in my body.

“I warned you, kid.”

The man rolls up this car window. As soon as he did, the traffic starts to move forward little by little. Even though it’s very little, it is much a progress compared to the traffic’s previous condition.

Few minutes later the cars whizzes along the road. I finally get out of the traffic. I watch the man’s car driving somewhat nervously up the hill. I watch the car with a smile, and laugh out loud.

I take out my cellphone and dial a number. I hum as I drive.

-Hello?

“Hey Michael, it’s me!”

-Yes, yes, I know. And when are you coming?

“Michael, do you know today’s date?”

-May thirteenth. Okay, it is getting ridiculous. Did you at least get out of the traffic?

“No, with a day of the week it is Friday the thirteenth. Something is going to happen. Actually it is already happeningㅡright now! Where should I begin? I should first recruit the band members, right?”

-I don’t understand what you are sa..

I hang up on Michael. I think of the man who now is probably telling everyone about the ‘very horrible aura’ he feels today. I laugh and honk the car’s horn.

The man was too funny.

The Beatles interview + Twist and Shout

[0:14]

John’s expression of saying ‘yes, yes, yes!’

[0:33-0:50]

A hand is pushing Paul’s head, bothering his interview. Of course, the hand is assumed to be John’s

[0:56-1:08]

I first heard this quote from my Beatles biography (it’s my first experience with The Beatles, but then ironically I didn’t come to be very interested in them)

“For our last number, I’d like to ask your help. The people in the cheaper seats clap your hands. And the rest of you, just rattle your jewelry”

This Royal Variety Performance in London (4 November 1963) was attended by Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, and Princess Margaret. John first intended to say “f**king jewelry,” but he was persuaded against doing so by Paul McCartney and the group’s manager Brian Epstein. So John later changed it to, as mentioned, just ‘jewelry.’ (Wikiquote)

I couldn’t stop laughing when I heard this anecdote. I could imagine John, Paul and Brain quibbling over such issue. I think Paul and Brain were nervous on the stage because nobody can stop John from doing whatever he wants to do. I can also imagine Paul and Brian relieving after checking John saying just ‘jewelry.’

[2:11-2:15]

Paul shaking his head while singing Paul seems to be really IN the song throughout the whole performance.

[3:33-3:40]

Like Paul, John is also into the song. While singing this song(which I personally think is the song that John most ‘shouts’)  I am worried whether John gets a singer’s nodules! However he finishes the song without going off pitch. I love how he really shouts without caring.

[4:00-4:06]

The Fab Four bowing to the audience. It’s good to see The Beatles bowing like England gentlemen They always bow like this when the performance ends. It is not a typical rock band’s attitude, but I guess The Beatles’ outfits and hair changed them like this. Haha.

**

However, the reason I like this video is John’s quote—”For our last number, I’d like to ask your help. The people in the cheaper seats clap your hands. And the rest of you, just rattle your jewelry.” It shows John’s rebellious philosophy and how much he wanted to tear down an invisible wall between each social classes. John was brave enough to joke in front of Queen Elizabeth as a man originally from a working class.

John had always been a guy who wanted to abolish the discrimination based on race, religion, class and gender. He is traced as a musician, but also as a philosopher and a revolutionist. From The Beatles’ hairstyle and until his claim against any war, he was shouting for peace and revolution. Oh yes, I love his music but I also love him as a human.

1,2,3—Smile!

John Lennon

George Harrison

Pattie Boyd

Paul McCartney and Jane Asher

Bad Haired Day

I wake up late.

It is five minutes before the bus leaves. The thing that comes to my mind is my current appearance. With a little sigh dropping from my lips, I blame my mom for not waking me up. My mom’s respond is always the same. ‘You don’t remember how many time I woke you up?’

I run to the bus with a xylitol in my mouth instead of a toothbrush. I didn’t put on a makeup. I am wearing the clothes I wore yesterday. My skin is all rough because I didn’t put on the lotion. The most horrible thing is, that my hair is messed up.

Today is a bad haired day.

Eyes follow me all around. I see girls gossiping behind my back, guys making fun of my hair. When I pass in front of a group of people, I see them stopping whatever they were doing and staring at me – to be more exact, at my hair. Then I realize that nobody was looking at me. I was stressed out.

My heart pounds. I can’t focus on my school work. I can’t grab a pencil to write down the literary devices used in Dracula. I look at the clock and seek for an excuse to go to the bathroom. However, I know I can’t fix my hair because my hair will become more and more crazy if I do something with it. I wash my hands and just go out of the bathroom without doing anything. I am a mess. It is a bad haired day.

All of a sudden, I have this weird thought roaring from my mind. Today I will be a ruined bad hair freak. But tomorrow, I will be a beautiful decent lady has a perfect hair. People will think, ‘Oh, maybe I underestimated her. She is actually pretty. Shoot, I should have talk to her yesterday. If I only knew that she is clean and sweet.’ They will regret. This is the point where I give up about my hair.

I come home, look at the mirror, and thank the fact that I’m at home. Now nobody can see my messed hair. I promise myself that tomorrow, I will come up with a perfect hair that everyone will be charmed. I take a little nap, eat dinner, do the school work and go to bad.

The next morning, I wake up, realizing that my hair is messed up like yesterday. I forget about everything that was thought the day before, and start the whole cycle of being mad about my hair and then giving it up.

The problem is that this cycle continues, continues and continues.

I mean, not everyday, but most of the times. Many times I tell myself ‘Oh well, it can be from tomorrow.’ Is it working? Apparently NO.

There are many things I missed because of my bad habit of delaying the work, saying that I’ll start ‘by tomorrow.’ The worst part of this habit is that tomorrow may come, but it may not come. When I am first promising myself, I sound like I am a very passionate young student who is so eager to keep every promises I make. But when a little obstacle butts in, my whole eagerness disappears and I am only left with a false hope for the future. This repeats, repeats, and repeats.

While I am going through this long cycle, my hair becomes more crispy since I actually don’t treat my hair with a care. Unfortunately, I see my current status from my messed up hair. It is how I am right now. My life, including my diet plans, study plans and all sorts, are falling down like a dominos since I don’t ACTUALLY do it.

There is a term metamorphosis. It is a title of a novella written by Franz Kafka. I read the book as a school’s reading material in 9th grade. This term here mentions the physical and mental changes that protagonist of this novella experiences. After reading this book, my friend Suzie and I did a project named ‘Metamorphosis’ to change our appearances and most importantly, our habits such as study habits.

Of course, when we first did it last year, it contained my ‘bad hair trauma.’ Funny thing is that we, even though there wasn’t a lot of effects, planned to start the project once again from today. Is it going to work unlike the last time’s experience? I don’t know the answer yet. Like as I mentioned, I first am full with passion and  a firm confidence like I can achieve the goal, whatever butts in. However, I will know the answer as the day progresses.

Somehow, I feel different than the last metamorphosis project. I feel more certain, since I know my real problem- my real problem of delaying the work and not really doing it.

When I have a bad hair, I live for the false hope of the vague future. But when I have a good hair, I live for the definite present. Well yes, metamorphosis has already started.

The Quiet Beatle: George Harrison

*From today on, I like to introduce each members of the legendary rock band ‘The Beatles’. It is true that their break-up had been more than 30 years from today and that half of the members died and  the other half aged. However, their songs lie deep in our hearts and will lie deep in our descendants’ hearts. I don’t say I am an expert at The Beatles but I guarantee that most information here is a fact.*

George Harrison

(2/24/1943 – 11/29/2001)

First Beatle I’d like to introduce is the youngest Beatle, George Harrison.

1. Becoming one of the Beatle

George was born in Liverpool, England, on 25 February 1943. George had been fascinated with the world of music ever since he was young. He began to play pop music after meeting Paul McCartney in an academy in Liverpool. By then, Paul and John Lennon had formed a skiffle group called ‘The Quarrymen.’ Paul introduced George to John, saying George can really ‘play’ the guitar unlike other imitators. Even though John regarded George too young to join the band, George became the formal Beatle at 1957.

December 1961, Brian Epstein became The Beatles’ manager. This was a foothold for The Beatles’ infinite popularity. Starting with their first single ‘Love Me Do’ reaching number 17 in the UK chart in October 1962, most of their released songs ranked at the top with their popularity reaching its peak. Wherever they go, whatever they do, girls followed their back to even see little bit of The Beatles.

2. George, the Quiet Beatle

Tired of their popularity and public’s attention, The Beatles go through a harsh period of disagreement, mainly between John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Their problem reached its peak during late 60s. Relationship  between John and Paul went sour with loud words of dissolution. However, George was quiet whatsoever. He gathered the members with his calmness and delicate sentiment to think once more before acting. He was the youngest one, but everyone had followed his opinion because of his humble and thoughtful personality.

George acted as a hidden leader in The Beatles. He was once mesmerized by an Indian culture and ideology that he suggested the others for a trip to Indiaㅡeveryone agreed without much opposition. When other members didn’t seem to be much influenced with Indian culture, George became fascinated by a Indian traditional instrument called ‘sitar’ and decided to play it for their next album,《Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band》In this album, he expressed Asian ideology of meditation in The Beatles’ song.

In My Life by The Beatles

3. Searching for his love

This quiet and thoughtful Beatle meets a girl named Patti Boyd when filming their first movie ‘A Hard Day’s Night(1964).’ By then, George was one of the main characters and Patti was an extra with less than one line of a dialog. When all the extras visited The Beatles and asked for their autographs, George placed seven hearts on Patti’s paper while gave just a plain autograph to other girls. (There is a story where he kissed Patti seven times.) It was George’s expression meaning that he is interested in Patti that he wants to get to know her more. Even though Patti had a boyfriend by then, she chose George and they became an official couple. They finally got married at January 21st, 1966.

Something by The Beatles

This song, composed by George, was given to Patti as his sign of love.

Unfortunately(they were my favorite Beatlecouple), their marriage couldn’t last forever. They got divorced at June 9th, 1977. There is a famous scandal to this story involving Eric Clapton. I will post about this famous Scandal later.

Starting from left: Paul, George, Ringo and John

4. Dissolution and his Death

Beatles officially announced dissolution in April, 1970. This time, serious chasm of inner conflict was so wide that dissolution was inevitable. Singing as a solo, he presented his fans albums such as 《My Sweet Lord》(1970)·《What Is Life》(1970)·《Got my mind set on you》(1987) and more. He remarriaged a record company secretary Olivia Trinidad Arias in 1978, and has a son named Dhani Harrison who looks exactly like his father.

George’s chronicle ended in November 11th, 2001 with a severe lung cancer due to continuous smoking. He didn’t stop as a musician until the moment he closed his eyes and went to where John is.  His body was cremated, spread in Ganges River in India.

5. Work as a composer

It is true that George was in a way ‘covered’ by existence of Paul McCartney and John Lennon. But, as John remarked his ability as a composer in his interviews, he composed many great songs that are still loved until now. ‘Here comes the sun’ is my favorite song out of all.

This quiet Beatle is no longer with us. But his music will be with us as long as we can hear him, singing his songs with his voice we can never forget. Rest In Peace, the most thoughtful Beatle George Harrison.

Check these blogs out

I subscribed my peers’ blogs that I found interesting, and I’d like to introduce these to you!

1. http://janey12.wordpress.com/

An excellent blog to keep track of what is happening in Korea! She is interested in Korean celebrities, especially singers. She introduces Korean singers and their new releases with her own sense of humor. She mostly talks about how she feels towards these singers, which you can peek some Korean cultures and aspects. Other than Korean celebrities, she posts up some famous issues in Korea like Yuna Kim’s gold medal in the recent Toronto Olympic! She now has few posts in her blog, but I am sure there will be more.

2. http://heejaec12.wordpress.com/

I suggest you this blog when you just want to sit down with a cup of coffee, and read. This is a personal blog where she uploads things she is interested at, or just personal writings. Her particular philosophy in her writing may make you look at things differently. She is very clever, full of sentimental ideas that will make you mesmerized. Focus on her writing styles as you read. Her writing style varies post to post, keeping you interested the whole time. I would like to see more posts in her blog.

3. http://jennyp12.wordpress.com/

As soon as you enter her blog, you can hear a beautiful set up piano tunes. Being an architect is her dream, constructing buildings like these sensitive and lovely tunes you can hear. She has a lot of c0lorful pictures that enhances the loveliness of the blog. She is currently on a series ‘Architect of the Day,’ uploading famous architects she got inspired from. She explains about them quiet easily, enough for me (who doesn’t know anything about architecture) to understand. When you read her posts, you can really see how much she is passionate about being an architect. Even though you are not interested in architecture, you should just visit her blog to listen to some beautiful songs, get a brief information about architecture, and just to check out a house you want to live in the future.