Now, I announce the end of the graduation of the class of 2012!
I walk in front of the crowd with style. My mom’s and my eyes meet. She smiles at me. I smile at her back. Right after I got out of the crowd’s sight, I run to my friends and scream with joy. Wow! I graduated KIS! Graduation always sounded like a thing that would never come. Well, it already ended and I am now an alumni of KIS. With tears in my eyes, I stand with my parents, and my brother counts – one, two, three, smile!
Okay, maybe this is too far ahead. But I can’t stop myself from thinking about my future graduation. After I the senior’s graduation, I kept imagining myself wearing a pretty blue gown, standing proud in front of my family, and my name being nominated aloud. Yes, my name being nominated aloud…
I let a little droop of sigh. My imagination becomes a pretty blue bird and flies away. As its everyone’s dream, it is very competitive. To be truthful, I wasn’t always an academic girl. I somehow found myself having a hard time devoting myself into it. It is sort of an irony, because I really do care about studying. I had a hard time because of this contradiction. I wasn’t trying my best while I was wanting to get a good grade. Whenever I stay all night and whenever I didn’t do good on test, I felt a large disappointment to myself.
I now look at the sky. I wonder whether the blue bird is coming back.
Out of many subjects, English class was particularly a stress to me. One paragraph essay required a well writing skill and thoughtful analysis of a passage, which, I had hard time with. Also, the class required well preparation of every materials, since so many activities and assignments are linked to another. If I miss to read a book or do a homework, I can’t do well on the later activities because I don’t have a thorough understanding of the material. It was a big stress and worry to me, who pledged to do better in 10th grade than 9th grade.
By the end of the first semester, I wanted to cover my ears when my friends worried about their A- grade. From my perspective, they were having pleasant worries. When my friends were talking about their grade, I put a mute effect on me. At the end, I could find a very low grade from my 1st semester report card. I was ashamed of myself.
As 2nd semester started, I obviously wanted to make a better performance in the English class, but I was somewhat daunted from the 1st semester result. I started the 2nd semester with fear. The first reading material was ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (from now on, I’ll call it as ‘JH’)’ It was a famous book which was referred many times from people’s daily lives, so read the book of curiosity. Somehow, I didn’t have a lot of difficulty when I read JH and took notes on the margins on the book. After reading a chapter, JH packet was full of colorful pen marks. My heart was filled with pride whenever I looked at it. To me, it looked a lot better than any artwork in the world. It wasn’t like anyone looking at the JH packet and giving me prizes. I worked hard on taking notes on the side just because I wanted to continue to fill my heart with pride. I spent a lot of time on reading JH, and searched for every words that i didn’t know. When I brought my packet to school, mine was the prettiest of all. I felt good 🙂 As I was the one with the best JH packet (in my opinion), I wanted to show that I had the best understanding of JH. I prepared for the discussion with care.
I finally realized the ‘fun’ of reading books. I finally realized that the feeling of pride is more valuable than going into facebook. After reading JH, I read books with care. I especially read ‘Brave New World’ meticulously because it was a hard book and had a lot of details. My books always had a pen attached to it. I shouted to the blue bird to come back.
The second semester is ending. Any my grade? OMG! I can’t reveal my grade in public 🙂 but I got much better than my grade by the end of the 1st semester. I know that my grade is not superior than others, but still, I am pretty satisfied. I almost cried with joy when my English grade rose after making up my missing quizzes.
The one thing I learned after all these experiences is this: No fine work can be done without toil. This is very true. The reason why I couldn’t get good grades was because I didn’t try hard enough. Before, I thought people with good grades have good brains, and that I wasn’t the chosen one. However, after being in this English 10 class, my thoughts changed completely. I can do it! Seriously, why can’t I? My brain is not inferior than them, as well as my studying environment. I am no different than them, so why do I have to get particularly lower grades than them? If I really put a lot of time and effort in something, than I can certainly get good grades. I can do it. My blue graduation dream was never a false hope.
I find the blue bird humming next to me.